“It can’t be THAT difficult to…” We hear the sentiment time and again, how easy it must be to accomplish the things we observe on TV, in a movie, on a show, while we sit at a restaurant or stand in a store, when we’re at the game. It can’t be that difficult, right? How difficult is it for your server to get the drinks and bring them back to the table? How difficult is it for that batter to see the ball going WAY outside, and not swing? How difficult is it to teach simple 8th grade math concepts? How difficult is it for the quarterback to hit the open receiver? How difficult is it for the barista to make your coffee? How difficult is it for the goalkeeper to clear the ball from his side of the field? How difficult is it for the store manager to see that they need to open another checkout lane? How difficult is it for the team’s general manager to put together a competitive roster? How difficult is it for that news anchor or radio host to read the teleprompter, or pronounce that word, or just express a coherent thought? How difficult is it to give us exactly what we want, when we want it? Because you know, it’s JUST [fill in blank here].

You might read the questions above and realize there’s difficulty in literally every activity addresseded above, and so many more. And if you do, you would be in the minority. We live in a time of extraordinary entitlement, filled with people demanding everything, all the time, right now, and if you can’t deliver it, then you must be some kind of moron. Because it’s easy. It’s just water or soft drinks. It’s obvious on the TV. It’s only basic algebraic concepts. It’s a simple throw. It’s only coffee. It’s just kicking a ball. It’s obvious to everyone in the store. This or that team manages to acquire great players all the time. It’s just reading or talking. Why are you so dense that you can’t get it done?

Last post, I wrote about “confident idiocy,” which is essentially born of an appalling lack of self-awareness and introspection, thinking you know better than experts despite lack of knowledge, or perhaps because of a tiny bit of knowledge that you decide is enough. But this post is more about a growing lack of empathy, a lack of respect for the efforts of others, a judgmental arrogance that assumes someone else is an idiot because they’re not delivering what we literally take for granted. Maybe call this person a churlish egomaniac; I don’t know. But where the confident idiot refuses help or expertise because he/she assumes he/she knows enough, the churlish egomaniac assumes someone else is an idiot because they’re not meeting some kind of preconceived expectation and are therefore devoid of any claim to respect or dignity.

Several years ago, I knew someone who thought her son was basically a genius. Granted, he was smart and hard-working, but not some type of prodigy who could skip grade levels or create art, math equations, or science experiments that were extraordinarily advanced for his age. And in Grade 8, this student struggled a little with math. He wasn’t failing, but he was making some Bs and perhaps even Cs on some assignments. And that was apparently unacceptable for this person’s precious angel. So of course, it was the teacher’s fault. “She’s terrible. They need to fire her.” And then came the kicker, “…how hard could it be for the school to find a better math teacher?!?” Naturally, the educator in me had to speak up and point out that A) lots of students struggle here and there with Grade 8 math (it’s a very common tale); B) that teacher had been at that school for several years, so there’s inadequate evidence to declare this teacher “terrible” just because your kid made some grades below an A; and C) math teachers are simply not easy to find, especially good ones, especially at the junior high level. So how hard could it be? INCREDIBLY hard. Incredibly hard to convince a capable individual to get a degree in a math-related field, pursue a teaching certificate in math, learn to manage school classrooms, AND accept a job teaching at a public junior high school. Oh, and do so in a way that resonates perfectly with your son, who might be challenging to instruct at the ripe old age of 13 despite how brilliant you think he is. These people are not plentiful, and the people who do devote themselves to teaching this subject at this grade level deserve some level of respect. And to conclude otherwise is probably a little egotistical, and even more churlish.

But this is often how people respond, isn’t it? We forget that the batter who just struck out isn’t seeing the ball in slow-motion replay; he’s watching it in real time at around 90 miles-per-hour and has a split second to react before it curves that far outside. We don’t consider that he was the best player on every team he played for until he was 18, or that he has immersed himself physically and mentally in this game, possibly to his own long-term detriment, to fulfill the dream of playing at this level. Same goes for that goalkeeper who whiffs a kick in a huge match. Or perhaps the quarterback who throws an interception while trying to lead his team on a critical drive. These athletes trained for this their entire lives. They make a critical mistake at the worst possible time, and they might be haunted by it for the rest of their lives. Do you really think berating and booing them over it has any productive effect at all? I know that many of them makes obscene amounts of money, but that’s only because the entertainment industry that promotes the sport in which they participate compensates them for all the talent and work they’ve put into their own performance. Anyone who ascends to a “world-class” level is going to be paid well, especially when there’s TV money involved. But that doesn’t mean they’re always going to get the hit, make the throw or catch successfully, get the save, make the shot, or kick the winning goal. That’s “how it goes,” as they say, and we don’t have to respond with churlishness. If it’s that bad, turn off the TV, or stop buying tickets, and stop supporting the player or the team. It’s the lovely thing about living in a society based on free choice — you’re not being forced to go, or watch, or pay any attention at all to these athletes you think are terrible, or these movies you don’t care for, or those TV shows you think are bad.

What’s even worse is when the object of our churlish egomania isn’t making obscene money. We lament how long it takes to get our glass of water or our plate of food, ignoring the fact that the server is working 3 additional tables besides our 12-top, for below minimum wages plus tips. We don’t know if there are issues in the kitchen that are slowing the servers down or other factors influencing the circumstances. We look down our noses at the barista who’s working on five different orders at once, trying to get everyone taken care of quickly and accurately, and we ignore that this person might have several other things going on in their life that might just slow them down or otherwise interfere with our own expectations. So what if they make a mistake? You just ask, and they’ll make it right. So what if they take an extra minute or two? If you’re in that much of a hurry, maybe you should’ve left earlier or skipped this trip to the coffee house. Show some grace. They’re definitely not making pro-athlete money here. We crab about the store manager who’s not doing enough, in our minds, to get extra cashiers at the front lanes on our trip to big box retailer. How do we know they haven’t had people call in sick? How do we know they aren’t just short-staffed this day, this week, or this month? Patience costs nothing. Grace costs nothing. And if you don’t have the time to wait, perhaps come back another time when you’ll have more time. Or heck, shop somewhere else if this place always has long wait times.

But that would involve seeking to solve the problem for ourselves, wouldn’t it? And that’s too much trouble. So instead, far too many people adopt their own churlish, egomaniacal stance and decide “it can’t be THAT difficult.” Because complaints are consequence-free when you dismiss the difficulty of a given job out-of-hand. And that paves the way for dehumanizing the server, the barista, the cashier, the actor, or the athlete, even when those people may simply be having a bad day. But what if we put ourselves in their shoes? Not figuratively, but literally. I am or have been a part of two separate industries where people do just that, because they assumed going in that “it couldn’t be that difficult.” Lots of people assume that because they were once a student for 12+ years, they should be able to gain certification, and become teachers, with ease. And yet, the landscape is riddled with people who, quite possibly, spent several years and a fair amount of money getting teaching certification, only to discover in the actual classroom that it really IS that difficult, and this profession isn’t for them. Similarly, lots of people assume that voiceover is a really easy career path, because “it’s only talking.” So they buy a $140 Blue Yeti microphone from Best Buy (or if they’re beholden to trends, a $440 Shure SM7B) and declare themselves “voice artists.” And they don’t realize the coaching, practice, recording and production work, marketing, and more coaching that voiceover demands for someone to become a true professional, and to maintain their skills to meet the changing needs of buyers in a dynamic industry literally built on the latest trends. And so, the landscape is riddled with people who claim to “work in voiceover” but have never booked a job, ever. And voiceover “pay-to-play” casting sites have thousands of unused subscriptions, along with thousands of weak auditions with terrible audio and a read that sounds exactly like someone reading awkwardly from a script. And eBay has lots of lightly used Blue Yetis and Shure SM7Bs available very cheaply. And there are hundreds of podcasts with poor production quality and not much to say, that are heard by no one. Because it IS that difficult, to learn true voiceover skill, to develop recording and production knowledge, to establish a client base, and to deliver quality work for which buyers pay good money. Not Fiverr money, good money. The truth is that anyone wanting to make decent money in teaching, voiceover, sports, acting, waiting tables, or any other skilled profession, has to work at it. A lot. For a long time. They might not need to love it, but they at least need to like it enough to put in the amount and type of work that is rewarded on a higher level.

And there’s the trick, right? “Churlish egomania,” much like “confident idiocy,” is born of a pervasive laziness underlying our sense of entitlement and superiority. The person with access to quality higher education, who never finishes a degree and bounces randomly from job-to-job without ever settling into an actual career often does so because this person doesn’t have the wherewithal to engage in the work it takes to establish a career, let alone thrive in one. That’s why they never finished a degree in the first place. That’s why they dabble but never commit. But you’d better believe this person has something to say when their meal is slow to arrive or appears below expectations. Avoiding such behavior requires a conscious choice. That means avoiding the laziness that fosters entitlement in an effort to abandon that sense of entitlement altogether. It means realizing that, yes, that job probably IS that difficult, even if we consider it menial, and especially if it looks easy. That person doing the job makes it look easy most of the time, because they took the time and made effort to master the skills involved. While it may seem inviting to suggest that everyone should be required to teach for a semester, or work in retail for a quarter, or wait tables for a month, it’s not a realistic solution. But everyone can at least admit that they might not be capable of handling those jobs, then adopt a more gracious, empathetic perspective toward them. Honestly, if we were all so talented and knowledgeable about running a baseball team, we’d probably all be working as professional baseball general managers. If we knew how to prepare extravagant meals quickly, we would be doing it instead of relying on someone else. If we were that great hitting a baseball, we’d be getting paid handsomely to swing a bat. If we could do it ourselves, we would. And since we can’t, and don’t, maybe we can treat the people doing any of these jobs better. Because the job really IS that difficult. But treating another person with dignity shouldn’t be.

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